Those first days... June 1-4

Those first days after Mama died were truly a blur.  I don't think any of us really knew what we were doing - but we kept putting one foot in front of the other.  That is what you do.  Family members were arriving, people were bringing food, we felt so much love from so many.  Grief is not new, and it is not something we alone have walked.  This is the same story shared by so many at different times.  But this blog is where I choose to document our journey through it.  It is cathartic for me, and perhaps helpful to someone else to see you are not alone in how you feel.  

Truly, there is a thread of gratitude that runs through all of it... each day and now, each week and month... our hearts are filled with gratitude for so many things.  We feel so blessed and loved and cared for.  Here is a note I wrote in my personal journal during this time...

"People are so kind. We enjoy a wonderful community of people. 

We are truly so blessed and I will rest in their love and help."

We gathered for lunch and dinner together every day, in those early days.  And the gifts of food that people were bringing made that easy to do and allowed us to focus on time together - telling stories, working through all the tasks that come at a time like this, just having family time together. 

Once again, Maverick's presence was a comfort to all.  How thankful we are for this little fella always, but at a painful time like this, he was a balm.  

Maverick decided Uncle Kerry was a pretty wonderful guy - he shared pizza freely!  

Kerry and all soon learned that the answer to the question, "Is Maverick hungry?" was "Is he awake?"   :D

Uncle Jonathan taking Maverick for a wagon ride - love them both so much!

It was so good to have Jennifer arrive.  Oh, how I have missed this dear one!  Her trip was already scheduled and when she asked if she should keep to those plans I begged her not to change them!  Her presence was exactly what I needed.  She was such a help and comfort and joy and I miss her so much again!  But grateful that we had this time together.  AND she got to meet Maverick!!  :D 

This touched my heart... Jackson and Brianna headed out of town to get a tattoo but I didn't know until they returned what he had in mind.  This was it and it is a beautiful tribute to Mama.  This represents the Tetons (in particular the photo Jackson took that Mama loved so much) and the reference is to Psalm 121:1-2, which was Mama's favorite verse selection.  

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."

                                             Psalm 121:1-2

for reference - here is the photo Jackson took back in 2015 

I really like Brianna's tattoo, as well - a dandelion puff that blows musical notes - perfect for a music teacher! 

Thankful for time at table with family...

More beauty - deep breaths - take it all in...

This was quite a coincidence... my phone rang the morning of June 1 and it was Larry H.  He is the owner of the property where Mama grew up, the old homestead in Wyoming, and recently built a beautiful new home there.  You might remember he offered us that home to stay in when we went to Wyoming in September 2019.  His generosity provided Mama the opportunity to sleep in a house on the very ground where she had grown up - powerful stuff!  I had sent him an email letting him know that Mama had died and assumed, when I saw he was calling, that he was responding to that email.  As it turned out, he hadn't seen the email and was calling because he had been thinking of Mama and wanted to ask if she could sign a special guestbook for the house in Wyoming from our stay there.  I had to let him know what had happened and he was so sad.  He had business up this way the next day (he lives in St. Louis) and said he would like to bring the guestbook by for Daddy and me to write in.  We were honored and wrote what we believe Mama would have wanted in that book.  Larry said, multiple times with tears in his eyes, that it felt to him that the land and house had been blessed following Mama's visit.   I completely understand his sentiment and appreciate him sharing that with us.  Truly, that whole trip, but particularly, the time spent in Powell on the old homestead, is something that I will never forget.  And Larry's precious and generous gift allowed Mama to have that time on the land where she grew up.  

Larry and Daddy at Julie's house

We spent one afternoon looking through all of Mama's old yearbooks.  She was everywhere in those books!  Here was one particular two page spread.  

Jackson's tattoo a few days later - with the wrapping off. 

Julie playing hymns for Daddy and all of us - a constant comfort. 

Hannah beginning the herculean task of gathering and organizing photos to display at the visitation.

We are so thankful for these photos and what they represent... the one on the bottom was from Christmas 2019 when we were all together.  (Including Maverick, who was 'in utero')  :)   Then the other two were 'post pandemic' homecomings - one in March when Anna and Matthew first came up to visit and the top one from this past Mother's Day with the Oklahoma crew.  So very thankful...

Again, we are so very thankful for the community that has surrounded us in physical presence, gifts of food (an abundance of food!), and most of all... prayers of support.  That has been the most needed and will continue to be... as we keep putting one foot in front of the other and finding our way forward without Mama/Sue.  We thank you all so very much.