Here is a general health update on Daddy and me that is up to date (as of July 20, 2021). :)
Certainly, this has been a challenging time in so many ways. But definitely, health has been a huge part of that challenge. Parainfluenza 3 went through our family shortly after Mama's visitation day. Daddy and I got sick around my birthday, June 10. Slowly, other people had versions of it, as well. For the most part people recovered quickly and well. (Although my brother Kerry is still battling it in Oklahoma.) Daddy was hospitalized, as you know. Once home from the hospital he had a long road to recovery but made great strides every week. Home health care provided nursing and physical therapy and we cannot say enough good things about all of that. Wonderful, caring, competent people who have made a real difference in the outcome. We are so thankful.
Currently, Daddy is doing very well. He still has PT at home twice a week and is growing stronger every day. He does his exercises daily and is working back toward his pre-hospitalization level of riding his exercise bike 5.3 miles each day. He lost a lot of weight during the whole ordeal, but that is leveling back up as well. His appetite is good and he enjoys eating. That is a good Magruder characteristic! :) We are so incredibly thankful for all of this - and for Daddy's health returning. He is so special and we need him here with us.
I have been up and down... and up and down. It is kind of ridiculous, frankly. I was sick after my birthday, then felt a bit better. Had a really awful day medically the day the day of Mama's memorial service, June 14. In fact, dear Jonathan chose to stay home with Marvin and me instead of going out with all the cousins that night because he was concerned he would need to take me to the ER. He wasn't wrong... and I maybe should have gone to the hospital that night... but I didn't and I am glad it worked out okay. My oxygen was dipping down into the upper 80's and I was having such horrible coughing fits that I couldn't lay down. Thankfully, we have a nebulizer and breathing treatments and so I was on those round the clock. I went to the doctor a couple of times and received treatment that helped. Yet it turned out to be my own body fighting against itself.
I finally started to improve near the end of June. Then came the night of Mama's birthday, June 26, and our family dinner. Things were going well. I felt good and had made beef roast for Daddy (his special request) but as we started eating I put one bite of beet greens in my mouth and immediately went into a full blown asthma attack where I was coughing involuntarily and couldn't get my breath. I used Daddy's inhaler and Jonathan ran back to our house to get my inhaler and some meds for me. Finally, things calmed down enough that I could breathe but it was very scary. And so bizarre... One thing we noted that night, and again in the coming days, was that my heart rate, during these 'episodes' would drop precipitously after a coughing fit - for example, going from 88 to 37 - like a rock! That turned out to be a big clue. It was explained to me that my asthma was resurging (after being dormant for many years). And my sympathetic nervous system was sort of battling it out with my parasympathetic nervous system. Everything is all out of whack. My coughing makes my Vagus nerve bottom out (remember Daddy at church?) and that is the heart rate dropping like a rock. My inflammatory response is just going haywire and my body is all over the map trying to regulate things. This all makes sense when you put the pieces together... I have been living on adrenaline and high levels of stress for a few years now as caregiver. Then that suddenly stopped when Mama died. Yes, there is still caregiving to do, but it definitely changed - and abruptly. My body (and mind) just couldn't handle that. Then we all got Parainfluenza 3 and that blew things up even more. I can actually feel the reality of that... in my body. I felt something happen to me in that little room at the hospital after Mama died... I didn't know exactly what it was, but I felt it. Like something broke. (and I guess it did) So, I know I have a long road to full recovery - and it will also involve me getting in better physical shape. (I have let things go so long now I hardly recognize myself.) So I have to figure out a way to take better care of myself and yet still get things done. I am getting there.
I have been doing better since the beginning of July, but have to admit to having yet another sudden asthma attack just this past weekend. It got my attention. I had been feeling pretty good and was ramping up my activity level again. Not anywhere near my pre-May 29 normal, but feeling good about being 'productive'. That all stopped again. I am finally having to accept that this summer is just going to be way different than I envisioned. I mean, that was already clear based on the events so far... but I have to understand that is nowhere near the end of it. I have more limits now than ever before in my life - but that is okay. I have not been good at acknowledging the reality of this, but I am embracing that now (or trying to). The funny (maybe not really funny?) thing is that this feels sort of like laying in bed at night when you can't sleep... and then worrying about not getting enough sleep. Totally defeating. That is where I am in 'worrying' about 'losing this summer'. I think that is pretty much a done deal at this point and I need to just let that go. Being upright (mostly) and having Daddy still here (definitely) is the 'win' I need to focus on... and those are definitely WINS!
It is sooooo true that I had plans for this summer. Looking back I have to laugh when I think about them all... yet clearly this summer is not going as I had envisioned. And that is okay. I am truly still so very thankful. Thankful for my Daddy's continued presence in my life. Thankful for a family that I love, even in the messy, stressful, hard parts. Thankful for dear friends who have surrounded me and shown me that they love and care for me. So thankful for the memories of a life well lived - my Mama. Thankful for the legacy of faith that was passed to me and sustains me through all this crazy of life. I truly am so thankful. Perhaps I am just thankful now with tired lungs and a sadder heart.
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| My therapy - not too shabby. |
