I'm back!

I have had a lot of names for this unwritten blog post.  I have been tossing it around in my head for a long time.  So long, in fact, that the content of the post has completely changed.  :)  For the longest time it was going to be titled "An Obvious Confession".  But, as of this past week, I am titling it "I'm Back!"  (an obvious improvement!)   ;)

I have gained my weight back.  (see the 'obvious' part)  There have been a variety of reasons (and some are even good ones!) but the basic crux of the story is that I am back to being huge.  Not just big... but huge.  Ever since my hysterectomy I have struggled with a variety of physical ailments and injuries including nerve pain, a pulled hamstring, and a mystery pain across the top of my foot which has had me unable to walk (for exercise) for almost 6 months.  Couple those physical issues with the fact that I completely lost my gumption and you have a recipe for disaster.

I have been trying to get myself back on track mentally for awhile now.  That has been a long process, but it had to be.  I am actually a slow burner in a lot of ways.  I know that probably doesn't seem right if you know me in person (I can appear to be a quick decision maker at times).  But, my mind is usually working overtime on the really big issues. And I tend to keep that processing to myself.

Last week I began a new study with a lovely, small group of ladies - The Daniel Plan.  As it turns out, the timing has been perfect.  This study has been the final piece of the process for me... to get my gumption back!  Hallelujah!  I'm back!  :D

After our first meeting I came home and took a look back at my old blog posts from my weight loss journey several years ago.  It was sort of like acknowledging the elephant in the room as I had been studiously ignoring those very posts for the last several months.  I really didn't want to read my own enthusiasm for healthy living.  Nor did I want to be reminded of my 'failed' journey.  But, after reading them last week I was intrigued by how much I have grown since those posts; regardless of my current weight.  While there are many tips and suggestions that I still agree with, I would write those posts differently now.

Sunday afternoon I was able to fully walk 'my loop' around the schools.  That was the first time that I have been able to do that in many months!  It wasn't very pretty and I did have to be very careful with my foot, but I made it!  What a moment!

It sure felt good to be back on 'my walking trail'

Then, on Monday right after my small group, I managed to walk the 1 mile portion of that loop even though it was about 34 degrees and misting rain.  I feel that old gumption again.  Hallelujah!  I'm back!  :D

This journey will undoubtedly be different than my last journey.  For one thing, I have a different mindset and even somewhat different goals.  I also know the pain of letting myself go when I swore I would never do that.  I recognize the need to give myself some grace and to NOT view myself as a failure.  Honestly, the time period of gaining weight was filled with not only physical struggles, but an awful lot of emotional life changes.  It is totally possible to have one of the best years of your life (2015, for me) and yet have it be an emotional roller coaster.  Great joy and beauty is usually intertwined with sorrow and pain.

So, this blog post has changed completely from when I first began thinking about it.  And for that, I am grateful.  I like this one much better.  :)